It’s been a grand total of 6 months since I stepped into the
hallowed halls of my college. You would think most people would lay off asking
questions once the initial days were done and over with but unfortunately or
fortunately for me, they show no signs of letting up.
‘So? How is college going?’
‘Oh! Very good. I love the course. Having loads of fun’
*big smile*
Nowadays all I can manage is give a smile of sorts, nod and
say- oh yeah its going good.
If you still haven’t figured it out. Let me put it in plain
words. College exhausts me. Mentally & physically. I wish..time would just
freeze & I could go on an indefinite vacation before I jumped back into my
class room.
What do I call this? The 6 month itch? Being sick of
college?
There have been a lot
of things I’d been warned about. Ragging. Cat fights. Bitchy females. Two faced people. Trouble with seniors. Deadline races. Boring lectures. Tough paper correction. End semester troubles. And this, is just the beginning of the long
list. For the warnings, I can’t thank
these well meaning people enough but they left out a lot of other stuff.
Cutting to the chase. College can be a highly disorienting
experience. It is, I’ll admit, an unusual word to describe what is usually
billed as one of the happiest periods of your life, yet it describes my state
very well. Actually, more than well.
I stepped into the phase-2 of my studying period with values
and ideas of right & wrong straight from a book that would make a prim
& proper teacher flush with pride. No drugs. No physical relationships with
a random boy friend. No bunking tests. And to start with I was somebody who
seldom questioned the belief system I was brought up in. The foundation, I
surmised must be strong. Like, really strong. Few weeks in here and BAM! The
foundations begin showing the first signs of giving in. Suddenly all that
seemed right isn’t all right & everything you swore was wrong is not bad.
Doing drugs doesn’t seem all that terrible now (Marijuana
doesn’t screw with your medulla, so it’s
not all that awful is it? Besides doing weed is something that every second
person does ). Kissing a guy doesn’t seem all that bad. Bunk a test? Hell. I’ve
already done that! Eating out. Late nights. Parties. Hopping from one social do
to another. When you’re at it..when you’re in the groove- Its fun. A LOT of
fun. But you get home. Collapse on the
couch, close your eyes and the random scenes flash like a movie trailer, all
you can think is- wow. Was that really you? Is this how you usually behave?
It’s not the greatest feeling, when you look at yourself
from your highly critical & judgemental eyes.
Add to that a healthy dose of paranoia. It’s a sickening &
a crippling thing to lug around. Every stare on the bus, a pair of eyes that
rested on you a minute longer than necessary at class, a hair out of place,
smudged eye liner, the feeling that people are talking about you or the fact
that you aren’t cool enough. Too long a list? Try living with it every second.
A mind with all this is second only to a schizophrenic
person.
College is a wonderful place where you discover yourself,
where you can come into your own, a place where you could kick start a new
beginning. It’s also a training ground and an initiation of sorts into the real
world. So, I wouldn’t be very wrong if I say college treats you with the
gentleness of a tsunami. I wish I could scream out that life is all beautiful
& fair but well the truth is you need to fight your way out. And until that fight is over, everybody will have to simply stick around.
